Each of us has something. Or a few somethings that are at the core of who we are, but have yet to be fulfilled. Our desire is present, our willingness is present, our worship of God is present, our obedience is present. But still a call isn’t fulfilled because of timing or circumstances or spiritual forces against it.
Adoption. I was talking with a friend about what our adoption story is…at this point it is openness, disappointment, waiting, praying and a whole lot of not yet. In sharing about the families who have had the opportunity to welcome home their forever kids, she remarked with hopefulness, “It does happen.” To which I replied, “Yes. But it hasn’t happened in our story. That’s not our story yet.”
Our adoption story began when I was 8 years old. I saw a 60 Minutes segment about orphaned children in Romania who were in desperate need of the loving arms of a family. Calling secured. Enter Drew into my life, and he was open to the possibility of adoption. One Sunday morning while serving in the church nursery, Drew held a family’s little foster boy and a wave of assurance came over Drew that he had the capacity to love any child in our care. Unity.
Our formal steps toward adoption began in 2010 as we spoke with a caseworker about adopting a child from our state of Oregon. The process is that the caseworker of a child or siblings available for adoption receive eligible family files who are interested in this child/siblings. The caseworker weeds through family’s submissions, narrows down to 3 families and gives those files to a committee who makes the determination as to which family would be best for the child/siblings. Our caseworker stated that based off our home size at the time and income, “you’ll never get out of committee”. Further disappointing reality, “Some other family will always have more square footage and money than you.” Considering it is 11 years later and I can quote her, you hear the impact her words made.
We moved to Pennsylvania and learned that through various ministries, our church family was involved in Haiti. Did we have the faith God would provide for an international adoption? Did we have the humility to allow others to partner with us to help us adopt siblings from Haiti? Yes, yes we did. And so God’s people rallied in support of this calling through 20+ family garage sales, a massive community bbq chicken dinner, and t-shirt sales. And by doing so, they fulfilled their calling too-to care for the orphan. All of us aren’t called to adopt. But we are all called to care in our own way for the widow, foreigner among us, oppressed, and orphan. And during the waiting, God’s people prayed. We prayed for the children in the orphanages, prayed when hurricanes came, prayed when political chaos arose, prayed for our lives to be ready to love.
Our two biological kids envisioned wrestling with a brother and lavishing love on any little who joined our family. We were told from the start of our home study to bringing home our Haitian kids would be 3 years. As the years wore on, we sought the Lord if this was the direction we were still to follow in regards to adoption. Our eyes were opened to the knowledge that some kids actually have birth parents who want them, but can’t financially support them in their home. So, they send them to orphanages to be cared for. We have questioned whether it is right or good to remove kids from their culture, no matter how problematic finding a way to thrive in that culture may be. I began to journal. Drew and I decided to pray about other options of adoption.
A pregnant mama and her situation was shared with us. We spoke with her and flew to meet her in Oklahoma. Part of Drew’s fondest childhood was spent growing up in Oklahoma, and it seemed like an interweaving of life bringing a child into our family whose father knew the city, the neighborhoods, the stores, the culture. However, the 8 month journey with this mother involved pain, manipulation, deceit, and direct lies. After the baby was born, she shouted in our final call, “How stupid you are to have ever thought I was going to give my baby to you.” Despite his grief, Drew had peace that we cared for the mother and baby well. They both received the daily prayers of us, our family and friends. That is the only good in this chapter of the story that we know. We know the Father heard, and He answered for health and protection of mother and child. Jesus Christ abided with us as we cried, and the Holy Spirit comforted us with each point of confusion and heartbreak. In the end, we knew the Spirit was enveloping us, fully surrounding with wings of love and comfort, dwelling with us during those dark days. Two months later we moved to Oregon.
At the beginning of this year 2021, I felt convicted that we needed to know whether or not baby girl was in the Oklahoma foster care system and/or needed us. She turned 2 years old in February. If she needed us, then we were negligent to not have her join us. We’ve prayed for her for 3 years for goodness sake. Through some calls, we were told that this little one has not been in the foster system nor was/is up for adoption. And so, I released with a bit of closure. Our hearts still yearn for Ameena Joy, or so she would have been named in our family. Now, we focus our prayers that she grows knowing she is loved by our Heavenly Father no matter her earthly circumstances. And of course, we pray for her health, protection, and future.
Here we are. 8 months in our new home. The call to adopt still as present as when I was 8 and as strong as when Drew and I pursued an Oregon domestic adoption 11 years ago. We began the Haitian adoption 6 years ago. Our dossier has been in country for 4 years. We are one of the longest waiting families. Next year, we age out of the program if we aren’t matched. The choice -or so it seems- is whether to continue with a Haitian adoption for the aforementioned reasons or pursue an adoption of Oregon siblings. All the financial resources accumulated toward adoption were given to provide for the mother in Oklahoma. We desire to be good stewards of God’s resources. So we are yet again at a crossroads: get an updated international home study for Haiti or a domestic Oregon home study. We’ve signed up to take Oregon DHS trainings in September and October toward adopting from the state. But we are open to however the Lord leads. If you are so led, we’d love any prayers for God’s leading, wisdom and discernment regarding Haiti, Oregon, or another pathway to the child/children who will join our family.
I know that each of you have something you hold dear, but rarely share with others. My heart just wanted to share with those of you who wondered the status of our adoption journey. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Each of us use words to describe a calling: joy, waiting, wholeness, roller-coaster, dedication, unexpected, thrilling, reluctant... For now in our adoption calling, maybe our word is perseverance. However, someday, I hope our word will be fulfillment.
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